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Celebrity: President of Ford Hopes Die, GM checks into Betty Ford Clinic for Celebrity Autos

The hopes of the President of Ford died today, and the presidents of several other American auto makers checked into the Betty Ford clinic for rehabilitation as the American Dream of luxury, interest-rate driven automobiles was driven into the ground by a variety of environmental factors. R. J. R. Gerald Nixon, of the Washington think tank Tobacco, Waterhouse and Gates, listed some of the factors at a press conference today: “Geopolitical instability, the Vietnam and Nigerian oil fields, corruption in government, an economic policy of interest rate stabilization, and other target focal points we analyzed would send nearly anybody earning more than a couple million a year into arrhythmia.” However, Liddy D. Gordon of ePunditAnalysis dot com has called the analysis egregious. “Its not about numbers. Its about hope. Ford represents the hope of a nation condensed into3 cubic tons of heavy south american steel, backed up by two thousand horsepower v-28 engines. Ford represents the growth of American highways and the vast, golden tinged bridges spanning this great nation. This hope must not die: for if it dies, we will be left with nothing but eulogies. And with eulogies, especially for such American institutions, we drop all analysis of the dead, and revel in the platitudes of mistakes long passed,” Gordon said in a popular post about the death of the dream of Ford today.