The recent Jaspers outbreaks continue to affect the personal income and consumption index, todays report from the Commerce Department shows. Amongst the largest influences affecting the numbers was the mysterious drop in oil consumption from major oil producing corporations. “We dont know where people are getting their gas from, but its not on our charts,” [...]
Another 6 year old Lost Soul was, thank god, rescued today from the clutches of a falsifier. The 6 year old Soul will remain in legal Purgatory as her fate is decided through the court system. “This is one of many cases that we had to take care of with our undercover units that operate [...]
The Pope Benedict XVIII, recently recovered from the devastating condition of temporary blindness known as Insulting Muslims, today called for a world faith-based economy based on tourism. “I have faith that many of the economic stresses inherent in increasing globalization can be relieved by a steady diet of ethnic food and change of atmosphere”, a [...]
The deadly Dodder plant has been on the move lately, with sporadic outbreaks occurring amongst larger tomato based towns in the US. The Dodder plant, which can smell fear, moves by inserting a tiny sharp barb into a variety of hosts and living off the hosts juices. Police continue to be on high alert [...]
A deadly Jaspers infected strain of asparagus has been discovered in a variety of consumer products the Federal Food Administration alerted early today. The strain has been isolated to one of the largest wholly owned US subsidiary asparagus byproduct industrial food additive manufacturing plants in the world, located in northern Peru. Asparagus powder and its [...]
Jill Fitzpatrick, owner of “Threads,” a popular store for virtual bathing suits and other swimwear along Linden Street, one of the most prestigious in the video game Second Life, is upset. Some of her customers have been behaving rudely. “They show up when I’m not here and pile up the stufff that theyve decided they [...]
Its mostly Goldman that is securing the housing market. Not everyone knows this. Not everybody has heard of Goldman. Not everybody has heard of Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. Shit. Not everyone has heard of Henry Paulson. Henry is Secretary of the Treasury and Treasury Secretary. Fannie and Freddy are GSEs (Government Sponsored Enterprises) that [...]
6:45 A.M. The phone rings. Its Noah. “I cant get in to the church,” he said. “Where is the key?” “It isnt under the mat?” said I. “No,” he said. “I left it there yesterday but its gone.” “Okay,” I said. “Let me call Margery, maybe she has it.” I pick up the phone, call [...]
Examination of George Bushs brain showed parts of it had been taken over by Nixon cells, in particular, the “vietnamization” cortex. Recent US experiments into transplanting the brains of South Vietnamese ARVN soldiers into the Iraqi Security Forces have led to the possibilty that rampant Nixonianism is on the rise. “We arent sure the Nixon [...]
A new round of cycle bombs hit in Thailand today as the new form of technology steps up to compete with American technological superiority. The bombs are carried on a variety of two wheeled vehicles from scooters to bicycles and are exceedingly dangerous to ground personnel. “Its really hard to get out of the way [...]
Goose Hunting and Nascar Out Goosebumps, Car Naps In
With Rumsfelds resignation and steep loses in the House and Senate America is seeing a shift away from Nascar racing, Goose hunting, and church cookies. It is not clear what …
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