“Lets suppose A = B” writes Dr. Bartholomew Finnich on the board of St. Johns Seminary school just outside Scranton, PA. With this equation begins a class on the equal sign. “The equal sign refers to equality between two things,” says Finnich. However students increasingly find equality a hard concept. “How can two things be [...]
Despite his recent hanging, Americans find the life of former Dictator Saddam Husseins “not that bad.” According to a new poll, over 35% of Americans say that despite his manner of death they would have “rather lived as Saddam.” “It would have sucked to be taunted and to die by hanging, of course,” said Jim [...]
In new video of the execution of Saddam Hussein and his execution by hanging, the American news industry received a shock today when the gruesome footage was revealed to be a web like effigy designed to take the place of Saddam because of the Eid al-Adha holiday. “The footage was gruesome.. the neck snapping, the [...]
The execution of Saddam Hussein went as planned today, as the former Iraqi hole in the ground Dictator was executed by hanging. However, the Saddam Hussein on the paperwork still has not died, as the correct forms in triplicate have not been filed by the court. “Saddam died today, but his ghost lives on… his [...]
Ever since the FDA cleared cloned animals for human consumption the “clone sandwich” at Geraldos, the boutique specialty shop on the corner of 85th street and Third avenue in Manhattan, has been flying off the shelves. “We just cant make enough of them” says Frank Lutz proudly, proprietor and clone sandwich inventor. The sandwich is [...]
The recent passage of FDA cloned food legislation has opened up the doors for a new round of university science and tech funding for startup companies searching for the holy grail of science… and an endless supply of food from small machines. “Like the magic pouch from jack and the beanstalk, adults have searched for [...]
The hopes of the President of Ford died today, and the presidents of several other American auto makers checked into the Betty Ford clinic for rehabilitation as the American Dream of luxury, interest-rate driven automobiles was driven into the ground by a variety of environmental factors. R. J. R. Gerald Nixon, of the Washington think [...]
Isiah Thomas, Alan Iverson, Dennis Rodman and basketballs other “Ghetto Thugs” are putting together an awards ceremony to honor Jay Mariotti and other long-time sports writers. “The award is specifically intended for sportswriters from humble backgrounds,” said a Fritz McBean, a spokesman for the group, “who have risen frum the squalor and inarticulateness to sportswriting [...]
Angelina Jolie may not be celebrating New Years Eve at Times Square this year. Instead she may be joining Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Mel Gibson and other celebrities for a special Kwanzaa celebration in Harlem. Kwanzaa is an African American and Pan-African holiday. In addition to Kwanza a family favorite over the holidays will be the [...]
A recent partially government funded lab project in genetic tech has raised fears amongst scientific literati that the Cosy Catastrophe foretold after the end of World War II may be accelerating the dangerous impact of bad science fiction plots upon the Earths biosphere. “Not to mention the number of trees sacrificed in the name of [...]
Goose Hunting and Nascar Out Goosebumps, Car Naps In
With Rumsfelds resignation and steep loses in the House and Senate America is seeing a shift away from Nascar racing, Goose hunting, and church cookies. It is not clear what …
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