“I applied for a mortgage today, my wife and I finally decided to settle outside of Cincinnati now that Ive retired… but the Pentagon denied my mortgage application,” James Swank, of Cincinnati, Ohio told the NevYork Times today, in a story about the recent merger of the Pentagon with two of the nations top three [...]
Robert Anton Wilson died yesterday. Famed author of The Illuminati Trilogy, aka the Illuminatus! trilogy, and Master of the Multiple Deaths, RAW sent a final Email to the Universe in which he stated an unstatable proposition in funeral tones, which the Universe promptly took him up on. Meanwhile, mere mortals wait Earthbound for their own [...]
Several groups of scientists recently claimed that the Apocalypse is merely a relative term, causing many religious organizations to immediately respond with threats to call down the Wrath of God upon them. “The apocalypse is one thing for humans, another entirely for cockroaches,” said Meyer L. Hymie of the organization Scientific Scientists for Science. “One [...]
The Oil Apocalypse, as referred to by many Exchange Traded Fund analysts, showed new signs of threatening Global Warming trends in the energy sector on Wednesday. “The Oil Apocalypse, with the situation in Africa right now, could easily slide back up to $80 this summer. Geo-political instability could combine with actual the hottest year on [...]
The Iraqi troop surge was initiated by President Bush before he even gave a speech today, implying that the President can, in fact, predict the future. Ninety advanced troops from the 82nd Airborne Division arrived in Baghdad today, and another battalion of roughly 800 troops from the same division will arrive in Baghdad Thursday. The [...]
The way forward in Iraq became clearer when President Bush today denied the Saddam Execution Video existed, but shares in social networking and video distribution sites such as YouTube, Digg, Facebook, and Myspace dropped sharply as the video showing Saddam Hussein getting hung started to disappear from the web. “The social impact of crying wolf [...]
A hypothetical theory of quantum particles, dubbed the “Presidential Paradox”, astounded scientists today when possible proof of its existence appeared… in the realm of politics. “This may change the face of computability”, Jurgen Heimletz, of the Mathematics University in Vienna, has said. “Quantum paradox is something we have been working on integrating into mathematics… and [...]
The ambivalence of the Arab street over the hanging death of the former leader of Iraq Saddam Hussein is resonating in places like Savanna Georgia and Kennebunkort Maine, as Americans ponder the death of President Gerald Ford. “Ford was a liberal,” said Rush Limbaugh, spokesman and general watchdog for softies in the party. Ford, especially [...]
Goose Hunting and Nascar Out Goosebumps, Car Naps In
With Rumsfelds resignation and steep loses in the House and Senate America is seeing a shift away from Nascar racing, Goose hunting, and church cookies. It is not clear what …
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