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Finance: Who Is Bob Gates and Defense Index

“Dont call me Bill”, Bob Gates, the new secretive Secretary of Defense (CIA) stated in a statement today. Or did he? Theres some confusion as to if the new secretary of defense actually made a statement today, but a team of Economists and String theorists have been working together to determine what the impact might be on Exchange Traded Funds (ETF) and related derivative products. “Media Consumers Confidence options for the month of november were shown to be on the rise. But political stock in Donald Rumsfeld and President George Bush have been on the decline. Theres an indication Bob Gates ability to make a statement might be tied to the Oil Energy Index, but unless some alternative to the energy index starts to rise, our numbers all indicate Bob Gates is a good fit. We reccommend a strong buy on the Secretary of Defense position,” Nancy Saunders of ETF Spider World stated on her morning advisors show today. But Bernie Jeffers, a string theorist from the University of the Miskatonic, Montana, said he saw only meagher hope for the position. “These things are like a lot of little strings, all tied up in a big ball and knotted, and theyre vibrating. And when they vibrate a lot, theres high volatility. What we are worried about is this may be one of the first verifiable examples of a meagher, tiny, small black hole,” he said in a press release explaining the study.