Finance: Government Seizes Washington Mutual: WaMU to you, JP Morgan!
Late Thursday night, the federal government seized WaMu, Washington Mutual in one of the largest bank failures in American History. Except for… possibly, JP Morgan Chase, now the largest purchaser of subprime institutional bank failures, behind Bank of America with Countrywide. With so many purchase/merger/firesales in such a short time, Federal Officials are becoming worried that JP Morgan is now in danger of coming to the block.
“Its really great to have Chase buy up so many of the bank and economic disaster failures from the Feds, especially at such a good price, $2 billion US,” Mr. John Chase, of economic think tank aggregators inc., an economic think tank aggregator out of North Carolina, responded. “But what we’re looking at now is JP Morgan Chase is suddenly the largest purchaser of subprime institutional bank properties. The old office chairs, the fabric-based cubicles… I mean, who doesnt want these things? But going on a buying spree like Chase has done… I mean, what if they miss a couple of their purchase payments? Its like the Feds are going to have to come in and buy out JP Morgans buyout of Washington Mutuals buyout of… Wheres this going to end up in another year or two? Of course, Bank of America does have Countrywide… so they could be a player in any buyout of JP Morgan.”
But Keynesian economics heavily disagree. “We disagree,” the Institute for the Promulgation and Divination of Keynesian Economics Institutes replied. “We believe the worldwide financial crisis timeline is on track for recovery. This will provide a great opportunity for FDIC purchasers of subprime, institutional, subprime bank properties subprime bank loan subprime currency trading commodity properties credit derivative short sale market based funcap loans. And if the American people dont understand that, well, its just shades of elitism, pure and simple.” The American people were unavailable for comment.
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Hey! I want in! where can i pick up some subprime institutionalized banks?
Apparently, you may already have…
haha. Yeah.. you know what I miss? Americans lining up in front of their banks… ah, the 1920s… how I miss ye.
Nostalgia… but really, I doubt JPMorgan would fail. Washington Mutual is worth a lot more than $2 Billion. And just because they were seized by the FDIC and sold off overnight, has almost nothing to do with their viability. Funny take, though, I guess. In oppositeland.
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hi i need details abt the bank failure