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Finance: Stock Market Update: Panic Selling Sells Panic

The relatively stable and non-volatile Panic Index has fallen sharply today, as stock markets in Asia, Europe, and New York also fell, wiping out any gains the Index made over the last couple years. “Its frustrating, I know,” Jeb Walmer, an analyst with JP Morgan Horses and Chase, “… but in all truth, the Panic index has always been relatively untrustworthy.” But at the DeBritt School of Social Engineering, the Panic index is giving a bunch of freshman students an opportunity to find out about the exciting world of bank telling as a career. ” We always thought it was, like, a bunch of, you know, crap and stories,” LaTisha Beauvedore, a student in the Social Engineering program, said about the Index’s fall. “But when you see these guys going around with the dowsauer.. dowsing i mean, the dowsing stick, and it like all moves in his hands if the bank is going to fail, its, like, wow, can I do that?”