Clearly Distorted News, in Black and White

The Prisoner, Dead, but N’er Forgotten

In news that cast a smoky pall over Los Angeles, City of Angels, Number 6, Patrick McGoohan has obituaryated, and where goethe literary and actingary might, thus goes the anarcho-antisyndicalist himself…

Scientists in the News

It seems that scientists are breeding well, working against the various general Doom effects, branching out into other areas of culture. This may be a welcome phenomena, as the coming world of Null-O must be hastened as much as possible: There is so much left to destroy!

Richard Dawkins is becoming a childrens book author.
David [...]

Americans say Saddams Life

Despite his recent hanging, Americans find the life of former Dictator Saddam Husseins “not that bad.” According to a new poll, over 35% of Americans say that despite his manner of death they would have “rather lived as Saddam.” “It would have sucked to be taunted and to die by hanging, of course,” said Jim [...]

Saddam Executed By Hanging, Hussein Lives on as Hung Jury Hangs on Executing Saddam Paperwork

The execution of Saddam Hussein went as planned today, as the former Iraqi hole in the ground Dictator was executed by hanging. However, the Saddam Hussein on the paperwork still has not died, as the correct forms in triplicate have not been filed by the court. “Saddam died today, but his ghost lives on… his [...]

President of Ford Hopes Die, GM checks into Betty Ford Clinic for Celebrity Autos

The hopes of the President of Ford died today, and the presidents of several other American auto makers checked into the Betty Ford clinic for rehabilitation as the American Dream of luxury, interest-rate driven automobiles was driven into the ground by a variety of environmental factors. R. J. R. Gerald Nixon, of the Washington think [...]

Jolie, Gibson and New Years Trends

Angelina Jolie may not be celebrating New Years Eve at Times Square this year. Instead she may be joining Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Mel Gibson and other celebrities for a special Kwanzaa celebration in Harlem. Kwanzaa is an African American and Pan-African holiday. In addition to Kwanza a family favorite over the holidays will be the [...]

Barney Wavering: Puts Pressure on President Bush

President Bush, who has long maintained that he would continue his support for the Iraq war, “even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me,” has been forced to reconsider his position. While his wife Laura remains steadfast in her support of the president, the dog Barney has begun to waver. It is [...]

Vice President Cheney disappears : Scientists Debate Intelligent Design

The phenomena of the continual appearance and disappearance of Vice President Dick Cheney has sparked a contentious debate amongst leading scientists as the the existence of intelligent design. “One day, hes here… the next day, hes gone. Many have referred to the spontaneous generation theory of life as indicative of Intelligent Design. However, our group [...]

Lions Win Toss

In their matchup against the Eagles at the sumptous Springbok Park in Bloemfontein, the Lions have won the toss. The toss opens up the MTN domestic champonship in Bloemfontein. “What a wonderful piece of luck for the Lions” said Joel Eisenbach, who has participated in over 15 years of events in Bloemfontein. “My father and [...]

Dinosaur Dung Shows Parasites part of early civilization

U.S. scientists have found what they say might be the first evidence of higher civilization in the dinosaur era: a parasitic government that fed off the body politic of some of the largest beasts the earth has known. The discovery by University of Colorado researchers suggests at over 75 million years ago, when dinosaurs ruled [...]