Clearly Distorted News, in Black and White

Politics: Time to get Ill

While President Bushs popularity in the polls may be sinking, at least one group has remained steadfast in its support: the mentally ill. The New Haven Advocate has reported that a recent study involving 69 psychiatric outpatients shows that the mentally ill overwhelmingly back the President. And in an unexpected twist, the more ill– the more sever the psychosis and the personality problems experienced by these patients– the more fervant their defense of the president. In Bloggians independent review of the findings, involving different patients from different states from those in the study, the Bloggian team on an altogether unscientific basis was able to confirm the findings reported. Some patients inverviewed by the Bloggian team declared that Bush was greater than Jesus Christ, and that he Bush would lead the US to the metaphorical top of Mount Goliath, the greatest mountain in Israel. However, questions have arisen concerning the Bloggian methodology and the Bloggian study is now undergoing an independent review. Critics of the study have complaind that in their support of President some of the most severely mentally ill patients may have in fact meant support for Ronald P. Whitticker, a Bush impersonator and fellow patient at the Ronald Reagan Hills psychatric facility outside Bethesda, MD. This may have biased the study. Mr. Whitticker was brought to the psychatric facility for repeatedly running over his grandmother in a car after his medical regime lapsed in Fall of 1994. Although Whitticker has denied all responsibility for impersonations which may have led to a biased study this has not prevented a flood of angry politicians from wringing their hands at his supposed impersonation. “Were not sure if he was trying to be the president or jesus christ– either way hes in deep trouble,” said a presidential spokesman. Mr. Whitticker has promised to “do better.”